So yeah … almost 7 months since I’ve been on here huh … wow … well here we go again … please excuse me if I’m rusty 🙄
“Everything happens for a reason”
That was my saying in high school. You know your saying … or your quote or whatever … that was mine. It didn’t matter what happened…everything happens for a reason. I would just keep smiling and go on.
And as I look back it makes me tear up … because as I had that joyful saying in my heart and on my lips at all times in reality I had gone through years of trauma that no body knew about. That I denied and covered but because instead of protecting me, And fighting for me, i thought I didn’t deserve protecting or fighting for. I didnt even have Jesus in my heart or on my lips or with me to protect me like I do now and yet I was joyful … I was happy. I was the everything happens for a reason girl.
And y’all I have had the thoughts in my head of why am I not happy anymore? What am I doing wrong? Why does the Lord not love me but He loves her? It’s probably because I deserve it. I probably did something wrong. It’s probably something I can never get back again. That joyfulness or happiness.
But then I saw something on mental health daily that reminded that it wasn’t my fault. This struggle isn’t my fault.
It said “depression is a flaw in chemistry not character.”
You see it just reminded me that I can get up and I can read my bible and I can memorize verses and I can pray to the Lord in solitude and or with my hubby and or even with my family and I can try to get outside in the sun and I can do yoga and I can try and eat protein and I can have people pray for me and I can even go to counseling and Lord I can do so much more.
But y’all I’m gonna put it bluntly if our chemistry ain’t right ain’t nothing gonna make us right. I believe that. Because I’ve lived it. Maybe you have a different experience and I lift my praise hand emojis for you 🙌🏻 because that is just so amazingly awesome!! But I’m my experience if the chemistry in my brain ain’t right … ain’t nothing gonna be right. Not joy not happiness not nothin’.
Depression is a flaw in YOUR chemistry not YOUR character. And it will try to rob you of a lot of things but don’t let it. Stand up to it and fight. Needing some chemistry isn’t wrong in my book and gosh how much character does it show or prove when you stand up and say hey I’m not right please please listen to me and please help me…It shows a lot.
So fight for yourself. If you have lost your joy … your happiness … your will to go on maybe it’s not character … maybe it’s your chemistry. Pray about it. The Lord will lead you where to go I promise. You can do this. Did you hear me??? You can do this!! The Lord is with you. He will never ever ever leave you. No matter what that silly stupid chemically crazed brain of yours says. Ever
I’m praying for you.
I’m writing this with such passion because of my own struggles with this subject as well as my eyes have been opened so very much just to the mental heath stigma out there. And I think it’s because I never really saw my struggle with depression to be as severe as it is as well as anxiety until this week. Which is a whole nother (I know that’s not a word but a “whole nother” whatever is fun to say anyway) post. But I just saw how it’s categorized as a mental health disease and how serious it needs to be taken.
So please please please take it seriously for YOURSELF and for others. Listen to them. Hear them. Don’t minimize what they are going through or their pain. It’s so so real and it hurts so so bad and if they are talking to you they need you so so much.
Talk to you soon 😘