Depression is funny you know…?? It’s like this thing that controls you not just your mind but your whole you.
It tells you things that you thought you had conquered the day before. The sadness, the mind games, the torture. Its almost like living your life while having a handcuff around one wrist. And you can’t always remember that the hand cuff is there so your going along enjoying the sunshine or just the day in general then you start to smile or laugh with your little girl and then not so fast that hand cuff is tightened around you. Making you uncomfortable making you want to hide, making you forget all the good things and only letting you remember every single bad thing that could be bad. Telling you you will never feel good again … Telling you your not loved … You your not thought of … Your kids need more then you could ever give them … Your hubby is gonna get tired of your neediness and you wearing the same clothes and never being affectionate. It tells you all these bad things and can lay it on you in a split second. And somedays your strong enough to step back and put your “armor of the Lord” on against it, your able to see it coming or happening and actively “Be strong and courageous ” against it. And then there are days that you just can’t and you have to be honest with the ones around you that you just can’t, that you need them that even though you don’t like to be needy your just needy right now. No it’s not that your just quiet or trying to be intimidating it’s just you and this thing that controls you some if not most of the time. But I promise you this…if you can love or just try to have a soft heart for these people/us/me when we can’t even love ourselves when we can’t understand what we need or when we can’t express what we want, well I don’t know what I can promise you but I do know that we see it even if it doesn’t look like it we do. Sometimes just being there is enough … You could remind us of the love of our Lord and of your love and that the good days will come and more bad days may come too but sometimes just being there not trying to fix it. Just being … Just waiting out those bad days and rejoicing with the good ones!!
Just like in 1Corinthians 13 : 8 “love never fails” Just love , show love , give love , accept love. Even though depression “vacuums” ( otherwise known as sucks by my hubby) and it makes it hard to show love or be loved just love anyway one day one hour one min one step of the way. Right now that’s all we can do focus on the right now not the tomorrow or next week or tonight just theright now. Nothing more.
Praying His great love for you and for me that we can always feel it and embrace it and hold onto it even on the bad days when it seems so far away.