Remember my bold prayer I was talking about a little while ago the bold prayer that never did I see how it would ever work out … and how I said God honors our bold prayers because bold prayers honor Him … Well I think He got mixed up or something, like completely just wrong or something because being home and sick and needy and dizzy and pukey and down isn’t what I meant. You see that’s not what I envisioned … That’s not the picture I painted when I circled “home” But here I sit and that mixed up screwy “home” is what I got. He honored my bold prayer already! Already can you believe that??!! I can’t. But the thing is is that I wanted to be home and love and learn more about Him and be able to love on my babies and my hubby and my friends but He had something else in mind completely. I am now home … Like I prayed for … But being loved on by others … My kids, my friends, my hubby and even my Jesus. And I can’t do a single thing about it … I am just sitting (cause standing is far too dangerous to do with my eyes closed) with my eyes closed and my face looking up to heaven and my arms stretched out wide with my palms facing up just learning to let others and especially my Jesus love on me. And that scares me and makes me smile and makes me cry all at the same time.
When Danny and I left the doctors office yesterday and heard the plan for the next month or so this “hold on to me” was echoing over and over and over in my head.
Here is a little bit more of Busted by king and country. I got right in the car and looked up the song. These next couple months at home are not what I thought me being home would be like. It will be filled with having good and bad days with this vertigo and recovering from serotonin syndrome. Two things that hit me on a day and at a mental/physical/spiritual point in my life when I felt absolutely great! But I know God has a purpose … I know God has a meaning for all this … I His timing is perfect in all things … I know He’s got me … I know He is replaying the chorus “Hold on to me” purposefully. And yeah it’s gonna suck and yeah it’s gonna hurt but with my grip tightly around Him, I’m gonna keep holding on to Him. Even on the dark days I’m gonna hold on … That’s easier to say now when the day wasn’t as dark but I’m gonna try as hard as I can to keep holding on.