I promise the minute I published the blog thingy for yesterday the enemy began attacking me. He began pecking at my insecurities and putting thoughts in my brain,bringing me out of my birdie phase and bring me back to reality.
He got me to play the “poor me” card. Asking those “why” questions … Why is this happening to me … Why do I have to ensure this month of pain … What did I ever do to God, I asked God to give me my circle of “home” and yeah he did that but I can’t even enjoy it I have to be sick while I’m home and feel alone while I’m home, he started saying things to me, things like you don’t deserve to be healthy, your friends are going to get sick of you being sad, your kids are so bored you can’t even walk then over to the baseball field to play or stay out side long enough to play with them right now, you want to take naps when your kids want to play with you. All they are going to remember about you is how you were sick, tired, boring, sad … Etc. and then I woke up this morning sicker then I’ve been since I’ve been home. Just completely nauseous and miserable and I didn’t have time to really feel sorry for myself this because today was the day of Laylas 1st soccer game.
But I went and endured it…the cold and the nausea and having to put a fake smile on for the parents we would meet and to Layla’s coach even though what I really wanted to do was dry heave on upward soccer and all their enthusiasm and their decision to make 8:45 am start times.
I came home still sick and freezing and in a poor me attitude, with the enemy telling me this is never gonna get better just get used to this sadness and sickness for the next 3 weeks. So I took a shower because I just could not get warm and the Lord brought me a verse … Psalm 84:10 “better is one day in Your courts then a thousand days elsewhere.” and I just smiled and agreed. This is an up and down road and that’s ok, life is hard sometimes harder one day then the next. And the enemy will keep pushing us to have more hard days then easy birdie watching I love Jesus days. And that’s ok too. I just pray for you and for me that we stay strong, that we “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Ephesians 6:11. That we enjoy the days in His courts and put on our armor on the not so courtish days.
I really don’t think it’s just a quincidence that on Easter-eve, the enemy is laying it on hard … Harder then I have felt this whole time. But I have Jesus fighting for me and one way he does are with the two biggest blessings I have ever been blessed with …
So today may be hard, but you and I will get through it … I have no doubt … Because I refuse to let the enemy win. One day at a time is all I can do right now nothing more and nothing less.