Faith … 

So I don’t have Facebook … Or Instagram … Or Twitter anymore,  I know I’m weird but it’s worked out well for me really. I do miss seeing my family and friends and their babies on there and getting the scoop of what they are up to … And I do cheat and check everyone’s page when I go home and get on my sisters Facebook … 😉 shhh …  But it just got to be too much noise for me in my head … There is enough going on in there as it is trust me … Plus I got to be too fixated on checking them all the time … And I was like flat out not even hearing questions my children were asking because I was so glued in to looking at probably something I had already seen so back in August I threw in the towel on all of it. Every single bit. Yeah it’s hard and I miss is sometimes when I feel lonely … It’s odd how being able to see what people are doing, pictures they are posting on food or of their kids or of what they are doing or reading or whatever somehow makes you feel involved in their life and you in theirs but really that’s just a false sense of whatever cause  you get off of Facebook and such and those people you felt like we’re part of your life and you of theirs cause you knew what they were doing didn’t even realize you left. 

N-E-ways sometimes I get on Twitter and stalk some people like Jennie Allen or Jen Hatmaker or Glennon Doyle or If:Gathering or IF:Equip or Amelia Sawyer-Chefs widow (because she’s my cuz and she’s like amazing, does amazingly fun stuff with her family and kids and even gets her kids from like birth to eat and actually like all kinds of veggies and interesting healthy fun foods), they generally have encouraging stuff on there quotes or pics or stories or whatever. 

So I’ve been having down kinda days … Just weirdly can’t snap out of a funk no matter what I do kind of days. Reading scripture, praying, crying, screaming none of it really was working so I started stalking looking for encouragement or something to get my mind off it I guess. And I came across this on Jennie Allens page … The creator of the IF:Gathering. 

 

It kind of just made me in deep and long and just sigh. Like yeah … Yes … Exactly. Your so right. I mean yes, faith is a fight. This quote or post reminded me that faith is not easy … We have to fight for it … Some days are better then others, really better then others. We have to fight for so many things in our life … Love, trust, patience, guidance, hope, perseverance, joy, happy thoughts, a good attitude … And yes, faith is one of those as well. I guess I never saw faith as one of them, I just looked at faith as being like the whole thing … What all those things encompassed but it’s it’s own individual fight as well as all those things combined. It’s easy for us to try to trust the Lord and hand over our day and our doubts and our struggles but can we trust the Lord and hand over our faith … The thing that is all of those things combined but also its own unique thing as well. I don’t think I’m making senses anymore but hopefully you got just a little bit of what I’m trying to say.  To have faith is hard … So hard in fact I think sometimes when we are in the dark times or crisis of our life we often focus on trusting or to keep pressing forward to be hopeful to look at the bright side to never give up which is all what faith is. I’ve sat here this month and have thought all those things … Recently focusing on Trust and why I’m just not trusting Him completely, why I’m not letting go and able to receive everything I need from the only one who can truly give it to me, saying Lord help my unbelief, help me to trust you, rid me of these poor me thoughts and the way in which I deny you daily.  And so I think in those times I was dancing around the one thing that’s the hardest to grasp completely to conquer … Faith! I wasn’t baring the cross daily (Which is a whole other post) and fighting for faith … The whole thing … All those things rolled up into one word … That being the word Faith! I need to start fighting for my faith tangibly. 

Our days are not always filled with faith filled encouraging moments … Today and the last few days have been difficult ones for me, it has, this morning I didn’t even know when I would write a post again but then tonight I think I heard a whisper to share … Even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard … so yeah faith … We need it … We gotta have it …  All of it … The whole thing … 

 

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