He already knows … 

So yesterday I went to the neurologist, not really for an appointment per say because to me an appointment would last well maybe 30 min to an hour … No this was far longer then that … We were there from approximately 7:20 until 12:30. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Information being thrown at you this way and that way, words big words being used, so many explanations and plans if this test is positive or that test is negative or this blood work comes back and says this or that and then to try to grasp all this at 730 in the morning without a sip of coffee after just getting one child ready for school and to a friends house so he can ride with them and be on time, then while having the other child with you with a 101.5 fever and not having any children’s Advil to give her (mom of the freakin year right here) but thinking surely this appointment won’t take that long and we will get her meds ASAP so she can feel better, oh and feeling the pressure that Danny is suppose to leave for a baseball trip as soon as we can get out of this place…I mean geez yeah we thought it it was just going to be an appointment … However it ended up being another leg to this long marathon we have been running since March. 

So basically we are doing like 12 vials of blood to make sure this thing isn’t something crazy rare like lymes disease or something else and along with that doing other tests to either “lean the barometer toward or away from MS” since my MRI of the brain showed”non-specific white matter spots” I am at risk. Those spots could be anything from age (prob not me cause I’m young for them), to an old virus (maybe I have been so lucky to get the flu twice in three years-yeah it’s as awful as everyone says it is) to genetics. But I mean MS…MS…all this then MS?? Really? Deep breathe. So anyway there we went 12 vials of blood later an EEG, two ultrasounds, an optic nerve test and then another test scheduled for May all to see which way my burometer is gonna lean. And in the meantime I get to now wean off the Wellbutrin…yeah the thing that helps with mood, the thing that back when this all happened I was all like why can’t we discontinue that and keep my Prozac,the Wellbutrin is the newest med I’ve added? No they all said, stay on the Wellbutrin it may help your mood even though you don’t feel like it’s working just go ahead and stay on it. Yeah so now I need to wean off it over the next month. Neurology thinks it could be increasing some of my symptoms, so stay on the vertigo meds but take that away the Wellbutrin, wait for the test and blood work results and come back in 4 weeks. 

Shew- so yeah it was a crazy heavy day to say the least. I slept a lot yesterday, like a 2 hour nap then went to be at 9:00 a lot. But I woke up today feeling pretty good. You know if I have to get off the Wellbutrin so be it, and if at the end of this I have something uncommon or I have MS so be it. (Now I say that today but tomorrow is always a different day so please keep praying for encouragement for me, please) this last season or whatever has been long … It’s been hard … It’s been up and down and all around but today I think I decided to try and make the best of it. I’m gonna start painting my nails again cause if coming off this Wellbutrin leaves me sad and down and weak – at least I’ll have pretty nails during it, and if the waiting and anxiety of which way my burometer is gonna lean leaves me weary at least I’ll have my man, my children and my God holding me close for the tears and even the smiles. I want to have more smiles while I wait. I want to sit back have pretty nails, have a smile, and maybe even cute straight hair and know that the Lord has got me. Whatever the outcome. He already knows it. He does. He already knows. He’s already preparing me for it. And while I wait I stay on the vertigo meds and rest in Him, in His beauty, in His peace. It’s easy to say and hard to do but I’m gonna try harder to do what I say, I’m gonna try to enjoy the little things, try to have more smiles then tears, I’m gonna try to rest in His peace because you know what … it’s gonna be worth it. ❤️

Gotta go paint my nails … I’m thinking something bright!!!  

 

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