Reality …

So yeah choosing joy … Choosing joy is hard, gosh … It just is. I sit here fighting back tears, drinking ginger ale cause I’m nauseous from lunch … That was totally worth it, we used our Golden Corral gift card that the kids got and truly had a joyous time watching them love every minute… here’s a pic …   

 And another …   

 

They loved loved loved it. It was awesome. And then we came home and hung around outside for a while. I was eager to snap more pictures because yesterday I had a hard day. Looking back I knew I’m my heart I was having joy throughout the day but was having a hard time naming them or recognizing or choosing to feel joy in those times so today I decided to take more pictures just so I could look back and be reminded I guess.   

 

This was the kids outside today. We talked to them at lunch about how we aren’t sure they could ever have their own best friends because they are each other’s best friends. They are like an old married couple. Not even kidding. It’s such a blessing. 

Anyway I feel like at the beginning of the day I get up and I’m like I’m ready … Like put me in coach I am ready to kick some joys bottom, I am so all over finding some joy and choosing it today! And as the day goes on my strength in finding joy slowly loses its kick. I slowly start thinking about things more or start getting frustrated or losing my patience or feeling sick which makes all those things intensify and then I’m like … Andrea your being so unthankful…look at all these things around you, look at the positives, look a the joy but the longer the day goes on the harder it becomes. Ugh I can’t stand it. Why is that, why does that happen? Is it because we are human, is it because slowly throughout the day the enemy creeps in and takes us down, am I getting sundowners like the old people I used to take care of in the hospital except instead of getting crazy and trying to get out of bed I get super depressed? I mean what is it? I even had a friend text me yesterday with some joy she found that she thought might bring me joy … This …  

 

And this …  

 

Oh and this one… 

 

And then for dinner the kids did this on their own … 

 

Please ignore the plant I killed that’s on the table … But they had dinner on the porch, Layla brought out the dinner and Hunter got their drinks just like an old married couple would do 🙂 and at hunters game Layla showed her spunk  

 

and I saw pic of my brother in Florida doing one of his joys – driving a boat and fishing, and we ate lunch with a friend and her kids and the kids together are just crazy cute and precious and then today we saw a picture of uncle John with a frozen hat on … Sorry John. And I got a texted this morning just wishing me a good day and then one after church with encouraging words … You see so I had lots of joy yesterday and today and then it’s like 4 or 5:00 comes and I just see all but joy. And I forge all those choosing and seeing joy moments. And so I just thought I would share that struggle with you all. Because it’s hard work, seriously work sometimes to find joy, to choose joy. It’s not easy all the time. At least for me it isn’t. But I just pray I can “be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 because today I remembered that just because I don’t feel the joy or have a hard time choosing joy or picking it out of what I’m going through doesn’t me that the Lord has abandoned me. Because reality is that He never will. He says in Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” We have just gotta keep pressing on pushing forward, being strong, being courageous, not feeling abandoned, praying for the Lord whispers to be shouts when we are struggling to find/choose joy. I say we but envision me doing the Blake Shelton finger thingy again. 

So the reality is that choosing joy is hard it’s not easy sometimes, it takes work and a lot of times help from the ones we love but Ive decided that I’m not gonna give up … I’m gonna keep fighting … “For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

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