Danny – my rock … 

 So I wasn’t sure what to name this post … But I was sure of this .. Danny … He’s my rock – well the Lord should probably be my rock but the Lord is my rock rock and Danny is my rock that helps lead me to my rock rock when I am weary. And yesterday that’s exactly what he did. Helped me embrace…learn from … And go up there and punch my weary day in the face (sorry that a fav line of our family’s from mr Peabody and Sherman) but in doing that help me find hope and grace in my rock rock and helped me move on from that weary day encouraged and feeling not only my rocks love but my rock rocks love 😉

So anyways … 🙂 

Do you believe this … Like really with your whole heart, your everything … Do you believe it… 

 

I thought I did. I mean I’ve read over verses of trusting the the Lord many many many times, I’ve prayed that God would help me see it and believe it. I mean since I was young I have always said “everything happens for a reason” like I used to abnoxiously say it in high school. But was I truly living it out … I thought I was, I thought I was doing a good job of enduring the trial, trusting in the Lord and knowing that everything is in His timing, not mine. But yesterday I had a reality check…

Yesterday was suppose to be a good day, Danny was gonna be home all day with me … We had plans to drink coffee and have quiet time together that morning … Then to go to the gym maybe not just like we used to because I used to be able to do a lot more but just to be there together, we thought about eating lunch in the Milligan cafeteria together, then have a fun afternoon home wth the kids, then I was gonna to actually get out of the house and go out to dinner with some friends,however the moment my feet hit the floor that morning all that suppose to be went out the dag gum door. 

I got up late first of all and Hunter had TCAPS that day so that just threw me off. I was irritable with the kids, nagging them like crazy then just had this don’t speak to me way about me. I tried to pray about it but that didn’t help. Then during quiet time I decided to just lay on the floor with a pillow and a blanket and just take a nap. Danny tried his best to encourage me, show me love, anything but I just couldn’t shake it. I woke up with an awful awful headache. My mom called and I just explained to her I was just having a “weary” day. We eventually made it to the gym to which between this pounding headache and the constant spinning it was aflat out bust. Made me more frustrated that I felt that bad then it did me any good. We came home and Danny (my rock) continued to do his best to help me, not to get overwhelmed with the weight of this trial or the unknown. 

You see yesterday I was really frustrated … Felt like I needed to grieve some of the new things we were having to learn and teach ourselves about. So far some of my test have shown that I have this mutated gene … The MTHFR – no it doesn’t stand for the “mother – F-R” gene but let’s be honest that’s quite comical right? Anyway -there isn’t a lot of info out there about it…it does help pull that burometer away from a MS diagnosis so that’s good. And it could also explain why I struggle with depression and why I for some unknown reason can’t carry a baby full term unless I lay flat on my back for 22+ weeks. But some of the things I need to do besides getting on a custom made compound vitamin, I also have to pretty much revamp my diet due to the fact that things I have been eating are pretty much toxic to my system … So yesterday I was overwhelmed and just frustrated at the Lord right? I mean  just didn’t understand why the Lord felt he needed to continue to convict me and show His humor … It’s like specific things I said mood I will never do that he is making me do now … It’s comical… I mean I am pretty healthy in what I eat but things that I have said numberous times to people that I could never give up … Yogurt… I can no longer eat. Or my unhealthy French vanilla creamer that is like my vice and that’s ok I’ll never give it up … Yeah can’t have that. Danny has debated numberous times how organic fruit and meats are not that much better it’s just a scam … Yeah now I can only eat organic fruits and veggies … Organic meats/eggs the whole shabang … Oh and to make it even better no more gluten or added sugar at all. So that half bold half blonde Starbucks coffee with vanilla syrup can no longer have that vanilla syrup. I literally cried yesterday about having to be that person now who is like “is it gluten free? Cause if it isn’t I can’t eat it. ” “or yeah that fruit not organic … Hmmm yeah can’t have that or did you make that with cheese or butter? Yeah sorry I’m dairy free as well” I have to be that person now who makes trouble for others and is picky and crap. Some of you are those people and I love you all even if you are gluten/dairy free but I like to be low maintenance… Little fuss and now I can’t. I have to sit here now and eat special eggs and sausage while my hubby sits there and eats yogurt and granola … My fav!!!! Grrrr!!! I mean that is just the beginning of the things we need to educate ourselves about. And so after we picked up the kids we went and tried to find some non dairy alternatives then I came home headache still pounding cancelled on dinner and went to sleep for 2 hours. 

And I realized something … Do you know how many times I have asked Google a question these last few days … How many times I have placed me hope in google instead of in theLord?? Like way way too many. Like it’s embarrassing how many! I can’t take all the realization credit of this … Danny helped me see it yesterday but until after I took that nap and just tried to literally rest my head, my thoughts could I see that I wasn’t resting in Him at all. I was trying to take this thing on by myself. We have said since the beginning that this is a glimmer of hope … Who’s to say it might not help me at all … so we can’t place all our hope in it … We need to keep our hope in the Lord for without hope in him we inevitably have NOTHING. And I wasn’t doing that I was trying to take it all on by myself, trying to place all my hope in it, and once Danny helped me see that … Helped me step back and say hey we are going to educate ourselves enough so you won’t have to be that picky annoying person, we are going to do the best we can with what glimmer the Lord is showing us but we are going to continue to ground our hope in Him. 

Then I read this morning in 2Peter3:8-9 “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” I was reminded a couple things, first He is patient with me…wow I am so thankful for that, and that this will all come about in His timing. His timing is not like ours …one day with the Lord is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. He will work it out or do whatever is in His will but it must be in His timing. Also when we are in these trials James 1:2-4 says Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.We/ I need to let perseverance finish its work … 

One more thing this makes me think of … Gods abounding grace … “For by grace we have been saved through faith. And this is not our own doing; it is the gift of God.”   Ephesians 2:8 And with that this song … 

http://youtu.be/Plngh8SkkA4

I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do … It just kinda hit me when I was listening to that song … How he loves us … He loves us just as much on our good – I love you Jesus – as on our bad, grieving upset at you Jesus days!! Just as much. Let that sink in for a min … This is the back of our Christmas card from 2013 with the verse from that song “if grace is an ocean we’re all sinking.” We thought we knew His grace or had seen it then … We weren’t even close … 

  

Like my red nails?? In the book I’m reading Margaret helps bring Joy to others with red balloons … My red nails are helping me remember to seek joy … choose joy …  Find joy … Spread joy. Last thing promise but last night when I told Danny why I was painting them red he started to play a song on his phone … It was a Taylor swift song … So I got all excited and was like are you telling me your taking me to a Taylor swift concert???!!!!!! I put all those exclamation marks there cause I was like really excited … Then the song started to play … 

http://youtu.be/Zlot0i3Zykw
and I figured it out and yelled … Red!!! Yes!!! Equally excited and happy ❤️ Ready to find/spread/choose JOY!! 

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