“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets. But when you give to the needy do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6 2, 3-4
Today this is what the If:Equip devotion was about and at the end it asked brought up the idea of not only pertaining this to the needy but to your life as well. And it immediately made me think of this blog.
I started this blog for quite a few reasons … Since beginning to journal in August writing had become something that felt really good to me. And now since I was going to have so much time on my hands maybe I would give it a try not trying to force it but just see how it went. God, through many obstacles I am encountering is still speaking to me and I wanted to relay that to others and have it written down somewhere so I could look back and see where he has worked in my life even when I didn’t think he was there. A lot of times for me it is easier to write it out then talk. I’m one of those people … Those people that other people feel put off by, or that they are stuck up, intimidated by or that i don’t like them because I don’t always make small talk or go out of my way to say hello to you. So you think oh she’s one of those who thinks she too good or whatever. Nope I’m just someone who struggles pretty much constantly with seeing hope, joy, I am always in my head thinking negative things about myself and my situation and the depression doesn’t help one single bit. It inhibits me to be able to hear God and or go to Him in those times and pray and be able to hold on to that prayer or promise that I know is there but I just can’t physically get out of my head. Sucks. Bad.
Anyways, this blog for those seasons and so much more has helped me see hope even if it’s only glimmers throughout the day. I hope it helps you see if this is something your struggle with that your not alone. I hope it helps you look at those people that you may think are too good or stuck up and see what’s really behind their eyes. Look in their eyes long enough and I bet they are just struggling with something. We all are.
Yesterday was a bad day. A day I was just over and it brought me back, as many things do to that I just can’t handle this life. But God woke me with this morning and showed me something. God has pinned me down these last few months not to torutre me or hurt me and make me suffer. He had to. He had to clean my heart little by little, he had to help me get the crazy things out that I feel or are in my heart so I could see myself turn them back around to him and see how even in those times he is continually working for my good. He had to show me that He is the only one I can truly depend on. Not running or my health or my favorite creamer or my job or money or having independence outside of this house or driving or seeing my friends as frequently as I wished or being free from this freakishly awful allergy season or having the weight of this felt by my husband as well as my kids. He, God, our Father is the only one I can depend on. Even through all this God is good. He is. He brought me two wonderful loving and patient kids and a husband who has NEVER left my side, has always encouraged me, has always stood by me, has hung in there for me even when the weight became too heavy or he felt alone. God whispered to him and kept him going.
That is why this blog is this blog. To encourage you, pray for you, let you see your not alone, help you know if I … The Breeces can get through this while still hearing the Lords voice then you can too. It’s here so I can look back and see how the Lord is and continues to work in my life. Sometimes I feel like giving up but knowing I can write and people actually like to listen and read keeps me going a little bit longer, not to mention this incredible kids and hubby I have.
PS…..my 8yr old turned 9yrs old today. Stay tuned for a nothing post dedicated to our Hunter-man.