My bible says … “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthews 6:34 and I think for me today the part with the wording “worry” hits home more than the “anxiety” wording. This was the reading in the If:equip devotional I read this morning… Give it up for God and his timing once again… Because worry and I are like buddies right now … It also strikes me that he says DO NOT WORRY, not like please stop worrying already or please don’t worry … No it’s a command – DO NOT WORRY… Matthew 6:25-34
I’ve battled and continue to battle worry and anxiety. They are kinda the same thing in my eyes but kinda different at the same time. Maybe kinda like how running a mile in less then 9 min is kinda like going out for a non timed mile run. They both are a run but one is way more intense then the other… I don’t know if that makes sense. So if it doesn’t don’t mind me and my foggy headed-ness.
Worry for me is something that is ALWAYS there. I am always thinking about it. When will I feel better? When can I drive? Why do I feel so alone, why can’t I allow Jesus to fill me up? What can I eat? Can we afford me being out another month of work? I just need to go back to work no matter how crappy I feel that way we won’t have to worry about money? What’s the dr gonna say today? What’s the MRI look like? Will it be awful to wean off these dizzy meds? How long will it take? Am I giving enough of me to my kids and hubby? And so much more … That’s worry … Those deblitating things you can’t stop thinking about. They cloud your eyes, your head, your everything. They are like on a revolving door circling in there, one issue might let up but then another one begins to press down.
Then anxiety for me is more intense but focused on one thing. Debilitating as well, yes. Sometimes easier to break the barrier and be free of it for a little while. But haunts you just the same. Sometimes you can’t eat because of worry and anxiety or you can’t stop eating, or you might not be able to sleep or all you do is sleep. Either way worry and anxiety suck! Then throw in there that usually around the time that you are consumed with worry and or anxiety you don’t feel well, may be depressed or just down and that just intensifies the whole thing.
Sometimes I wake up and the worry/anxieties aren’t too bad and other times I just feel the complete weight of them. I’m not sure why one day is different then the other. But reading today reminded me of Gods promises of his provision, his way of taking care of us even when we can’t see it. “Seek first his kingdom, and his righteousness and all these things (things we worry or have anxiety about) will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:34 it might not be in the way we want but our want isn’t important it’s His will that is important. He will work it all out according to His will. And when we truly come before him humbly enough to want His will to be done and not our wants then we will reap so much reward.
One last thing …
Came across this verse yesterday and it just really hit home. “The eyes is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are heathy your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy your whole body will be full of darkness.” Wow. How am I looking at the world … What kind of eyes do I have? Heathy/light or unhealthy/dark. Depression … Sickness … Disappointments usually bring about darkness right? We start having this attitude of dark. The world is against me, no one likes me, why am I sick? Why is God putting me through this again?! Why me? We can’t see the light in anything everything we are going through or that we encounter is dark.
What if we focused on seeing the light? Choosing joy? Seeing Gods beauty all around us? Fixing our eyes on the light? The good even when bad things happen? It’s not easy. It’s not a daily decision. Yesterday I tried to do this and went out with a friend I hadn’t seen in forever who brought her baby … So not only did we get to catch up but I got baby time as well, we had a good meal did running around and then bam…an hour or two later the darkness hit. And I couldn’t bare it any longer. Seeing the light isn’t a daily decision it’s an all day decision. And sometimes man I fail miserably and the enemy loves that. He loves me to just bask in he poor me way of thinking. He loves to remind me of it all day. You become weary and just can’t do it. But I think, if we start actively trying to see the light everyday … Light could be anything … the fact that we woke up and are breathing and get to see the world God created for us today. Open your eyes to the light. Write down the light of you have to. I do. “See the light … Choose joy ” my reminders I need because I’m not strong enough to live in the light every min or every day but hopefully someday I will be.
Seeing the light with our eyes, not worrying or having anxiety are not tasks that are easily completed. You can’t complete them at all really. You have to work on them all the time. But God will never give up on us. He loves us so much that he is always working for our good. We have to open our eyes to see it.
Thankful for seeing the “light” long enough this morning to be able to write this. Also praying for you and your worries and anxieties your lightedness and darkness this morning.