I think we all pretty much know by now that I’m a pretty in my head, self conscious, introverted, not sure anyone ever recognizes me or likes me, please keep the attention off of me kind of person. I mean I cried walking down the aisle at my wedding for 3 reasons, 1. I was walking down the aisle to my Danny, the love of my life who at that time the love I had for him does not even come close in the least bit to the love I have for him now, 2. I was walking down the aisle with my dad and in my eyes that was like the biggest and best way he could ever show me he loved me and 3. Everyone in that church was going to have their eyes on me and that made me scared and nervous even to the point of making me cry! Now I feel like people get the total wrong impression of me and I know it’s my fault, I’m so in my head or so unsure that I’m probably not very inviting first of all nor am I one to be involved in a lot of stuff so I always feel like I don’t have much to offer in the respect of conversation.
I was reminded this week that I was once in my younger years was named prom queen … And it made me stop and think … People used to like me. What happened to me? I mean really where did I go … What happened? What’s changed? Am I even that same person?
Then this weekend at church I kinda had a “oh yeah” kind of moment. I think I’ve done a lot of judging these last few months, based on expectations that I didn’t know I had on how people would be there for us during this time or what some people thought we should do or how some people just let words fly without thinking how it would effect or hurt us. But then you know what I realized…I realized that it’s not my place to judge anything anyone has or hasn’t done, that’s left for my rock rock “Do not judge or you too will be judged” Matthew 7:1 its my place to love. We are called to love and nothing else. Not to keep account of rights or wrongs, harmful words or actions or lack there of, that’s not for me. All that stuff is left up to the Lord. We are called to love through all those things, even in the midst of all those thing we should love above everything else.
Maybe that’s what I was doing right way back then when I was named prom queen. I was loving people. I wasn’t worried about what people said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do, how I looked or didn’t look, what they wore vs what I wore, I just accepted everyone for who they were and just loved them. And they accepted me and loved me for who I was. Growing up really sucks and part of it is that we especially women start comparing every little thing to the other, I mean everything. We compare and compare and compare inwardly and it ends up that driving wedges between us all. I say we but I mean I am so guilty of this. Maybe that’s why I’ve slowly become more and more introverted because I am without even knowing, I am doing it , comparing myself to you! Oh she has more kids then me, she must be better, the Lord must love her more then me, she’s so thin and doesn’t even have to work at it, she must be better, gosh look at her FB page, she is like super mom and wife, she must be better, (that’s one reason why I got off Facebook by the way – I did way too much comparing-driving wedges between me and you and me and the Lord) she doesn’t have to work and I do, she must be better, It’s so silly. We are all on the same team. We are. And we are all made to love one another and nothing else. Not compare, not judge, not keep accounts of how someone has wronged us, or hasn’t been there for us … None of it. Only love. Did you know that the Lord doesn’t even keep account of our sins?? He loves us no matter what!!!
Last fall our church pastor gave a sermon called … “Got problems … Persue Love.” I got problems, I got lots of problems, shew so many problems, so why haven’t I been persuing love? When Danny and I were having lots of problems we used this phrase in our lives daily and it helped us rebuild our marriage. I mean it was kinda annoying how much we referred back to this phrase … “Got problems … Persue love! Give each other the benefit of the doubt, remember that we are on the same team … The team of love 🙂 I am gonna try to remember this phrase again. When I get stuck in the oh there she is, she probably doesn’t remember me, I really don’t think she likes me so I’m not gonna wave or smile or say high I’m just gonna walk with my head down … Nope not no more … I’m gonna love, like Jesus loves, no doubt I will fail but I’m not gonna give up, I’m gonna keep pressing on and leaning in to the Lord … And pray that He will “Create in me a pure heart ❤️, O God and renew a steadfast spirit with in me, restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.” Psalm 51: 10,12
Last thing … For king and country has a song called The Proof of Your Love. Its really good and there is a version with a monologue in it, if you have the time look it up and listen to the song…I did want to share the monologue part, I think it’s really really good …. “If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)
So I couldn’t resist. I had to add the song/video. I actually just watched it for the first time and it’s pretty profound … Anyways here it is … http://youtu.be/b-2dKOfbC9c