He knows … 

Gosh … It’s been a hard couple days. There are just so many things going on in and around this head of mine. Things Danny and I are trying to navigate through, things I’m trying to conquer and or not let define me, things/decisions we are trying to let the Lord leads us in, things I’m asking the Lord to show me/us … It’s just been a lot lately. 

I ran a little yesterday but my running turned in to crying out/hyperventilating to the Lord. Why do things have to be so hard? What are we doing wrong? What are you trying to show us God? Father please, why can’t anything be simple or easy or less complicated? Why does everything hurt so bad, even when it feels like we are trying to do the right thing? Why can’t we be understood? I just don’t understand. 

Tears have been on my eyes for a couple days now. Ready for anything and nothing. It doesn’t matter. It’s just me right now. It’s just my heart. And that’s ok. Long season/trial is not an exaggeration…it’s our reality right now. Our kids know it, feel it but we don’t let them see it. Our prayers lead to tears and then lead to collapsing in each others arms in bed and sleeping long and hard. We aren’t gonna pretend we aren’t in this journey this season this trial because then I feel like we will end up limiting God. I don’t know I’m rambling. But this morning we got in the car to take the kids to vacation bible school camp, which gosh how amazing that place has been and God sent me a whisper … this song was on …  

 

The whole song is great but the part “He know, He knows, every hurt and every sting he has walked the suffering.” He has walked the suffering. He has waked our suffering. He knows our suffering. He has been there. He knows my broken heart. He knows when I feel alone or cry a little or cry a lot. He knows my broken heart. He knows my frustration when I feel like no one understands or sees or try’s. He knows and though we may feel faint He is working to break those chains. He is working even when we feel he isn’t. He is. He is working to break through our dark and bring his light. 

Danny and I recently heard a sermon on John 11. About Jesus with Mary and Martha and the death of Lazarus. Read it. It’s good … do you know what … John 11:35 “jesus wept”. Jesus wept. Jesus weeps. He weeps for us and with us. No matter how many times a day we weep, He weeps. That helps me feel some comfort in that. Even when we can’t hear him or don’t see answers he is there, we might not understand what’s going on but He knows. He knows what he is doing, the way he is working for our good and preparing things we can not even imagine for us and he weeps for and with us. One more thing – in John 11 it speaks about how “this is done for the glory of God.” And Jesus says ” did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God.” John 11:40 believing might not look pretty , there may be a lot of tears and crying out and why questions but I find encouragement in that we will see the glory of God, this journey/season/trial is for the glory of God…. 

Here is the video of the song I mentioned above … I prefer accoustic music so here is the accoustic version … 

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