Honestly … Ready … I’ve been rolling solo as my friends say in Johnson City since the Friday after Thanksgiving. Meaning my hubby is out of town (Hunting) and I am alone playing mom and dad. It’s a little different in my case…Hunter went with his daddy for his first hunting trip and since we currently live with my in-laws I haven’t been completely solo but if you know my daughter at all you can just imagine how much at the hip she is to me. She has always had this attachment to me … And really I do love it, it just becomes a bit much sometimes.
So anyways, it’s been me and Layla together since Friday. She’s been sleeping in my bed and it’s just been so good. We have had talks about Christmas and Jesus and thankful hearts and giving to others and have just had quiet lasting moments together. Yesterday I walked her into school because she was sad that Hunter was still away and he usually walks her to class so I gladly went.
I didn’t expect her to want me to today, she didn’t say anything prior to leaving the house and so here I ride to school with her and my mother in-law, in the rainy cold weather with my hair in curly just slept on it style (yeah it’s as much of a hot mess as you can imagine), no makeup, camo under armor sweatshirt, black yoga pants and slippers. Did I mention it was raining?
Well we drive up to drop her off in the circle and we have our hug time without any mention of me walking her in, and kiss time, still no mention and the teacher is about to open her door and she says it … “Wanna walk me in mom?” And I say, “Lulu I’m still in my jammas, maybe tomorrow.” And there it was … the moment that has been haunting me since she got out of the car at 7:45 this morning. I can still see in my head her walking away so slowly and all alone up the steps to school.
Why didn’t I just go with her and walk her in? I mean it’s just rain and cold…I can’t help but feel I let her down. I can’t help but see in my head her walking away so slowly with her purple coat and little backpack with her hot pink running pants and rainbow Nike shoes. I can’t help but see that and still feel a pit in my stomach.
But you know I was just thinking about God and His grace. How I have been on my knees face on the floor crying out to God for my mistakes and God has never once held my sin against me nor does He keep account of my wrong doings. He is love like it says in 1 John 4:8 “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” and in His love like it says in. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5″Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
I am so thankful for Gods grace. It’s really what can keep us going when we have messed up or lost hope … We can be reminded of Gods grace and rest in it and through it. And in doing that we regain the strength and hope in the Lord we need to keep going.
And you know it just gave me so much encouragement. Because the truth is Layla – children in general extend us mothers, their fathers and siblings, the world even such an astounding amount of grace. Layla will come home from school today and will likely never once bring up how I didn’t walk her into school. She won’t even hold it against me. She will come home excited to see me, she will hug and kiss me like that moment … That moment that leaves a pit in my stomach, she will act like it never happened. Makes tears come to my eyes. What examples of the Lords grace and forgiveness and understanding our children extend to us and can teach us daily. They can teach us so much … So so much. And I just pray so hard that, First I can slow down enough and open my eyes and ears to the children of God to see Him through them and to learn from them, and Secondly that I can extend that kind of selfless grace to others in this world. My lulu loves and trusts and extends grace without borders … Just like our Lord … Thankful God has opened my eyes to this truth today.