This song has been playing over and over in my head
So I think in preparing my mind and heart and being for Advent I’ve hit a emotion or feeling that I totally did not expect … I have this ache building in my heart. It’s like when you know the end of the story and you have this like gut punch feeling in your stomach.
I didn’t expect it either. I expected to be filled with joy and excitement and happiness and anticipation throughout Advent that would build to this arms raised to the heavens and knees bowed feeling but I’m not feeling that. I feel far more of the polar opposite and even with these last handful of days before Christmas it’s seems to be getting worse.
What I’m feeling is pain and ache and tear filled eyes for what Mary is about to endure … She’s a teenager … A baby … And she is met by the angel who tells her this incredible story of what she’s about to endure, the road she’s about to travel and even in being young and innocent her faith is bold and strong. No doubt she questioned the Angel … In Luke it says “mary was greatly troubled and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the Angel said to her ‘Do not be afraid, Mary:you have found favor with God.'” And after some explanation from the Angel Mary answers “I am the Lords servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.”
She didn’t know then what her baby, Jesus would endure in the end. And maybe that’s why it’s sadness that Im feeling, I’m looking and thinking of His journey that included such pain and sorrow and how hard that must have been for Mary to see. The tears that she would shed over seeing her baby … Her son … endure being mocked … beaten … betrayed … suffering so severe we can’t even comprehend… even to the point of death on a cross. It hurts my heart that Mary had to witness her son endure such suffering. I can not even imagine how hard that must have been.
– so this post i had been working on pretty much all day yesterday and like I said I just felt this ache and hurt for Mary and the journey she was about embark on with her son, Jesus. But then y’all Jesus (you can tell I’m excited right cause I just broke out the y’all) He did something in my heart.
We were at our Christmas service for church last night … The kids put on the cutest play ever – Layla was the little girl and Hunter was the king…
Then they had The Heights church come and we watched a movie that they produced but we also sang songs with them … This amazingly large choir. I sat there singing almost all my favorite Christmas time songs and I just had tears in my eyes and raised my hands to the heaven because you know what?? Jesus gently whispered and showed me that though I may feel sorrowful and hurt for the journey and pain He and Mary were about to embark on … Right now … Right now is a time of rejoicing. A time of joy and peace and love and adoration for him, a time where yes He will endure such pain but … but … Right now let’s come and adore Him.
Maybe this post is all over the place … maybe it’s not … Im guessing it is. But yesterday I started off sad and down and hurting for what Mary was going to go through in the life of her son but then God showed me a glorious revelation. He ignited this excitement … This anticipation … This peace, joy, hope, love for what is to come!!!
So I’m ready … I’m ready … I’m humbly and overwhelmingly ready to anticipate His birth, with a grateful and humble heart … that is ready to follow Him … no matter what the cost is. So let’s make cookies … Listen to Christmas music … Let’s go Christmas light hunting … Lets paint our nails … Lets watch Christmas movies that make us cry every year … Let’s get ready and prepare for the birth of our King friends!!! He is coming not for worldly gain but to save us … you … me … us!!!
Because friends like Isaiah 54:5 says “But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. “