what if this year is different … 

Layla had surgery on New Year’s Eve. Nothing too major and she did well. But it was surgery non the less. She had to have two fillings a crown and a root canal done and she has such dr anxiety they decided to do it in a surgery center. I mean her anxiety is so real. 

There is no talking her down or holding her or anything that will keep her from tears. The day before we had to have a physical at a new physicians office and it was a chore. I just hurt for her. We had to check her iron which ment a finger prick and it just sent her on a spiral down hill from there.  This was us after the finger prick :o(
She started her whole anxiety not trusting anyone walking back to pre-op but as the nurse did more talking and explaining Layla switch to her anxious I am never going to stop talking thing she does. And they were able to wheel her back with her ready to go asleep and have good dreams. The procedure took over 2 1/2 hours

We were there as they wheeled her back to recovery. And let me tell you … she did not wake up well. It breaks my heart to think about it still, but she woke up feisty and fighting. 

She was crying, tossing her head back and forth, arms flailing up and down. We would rub her head, her back, hold her hand, kiss her cheeks, shush her like you shush a crying baby with somehow the shhhh shhhh shhhh over and over gets them to relax but everything we were doing Layla was resisting. 

We offered to hold her, for mom or dad to get in the bed with her, get her some juice or some jello or a popsicle but even with everything we tried she still resisted. She couldn’t rest, she would doze off and then wake right back up moaning and crying. It broke my heart.  

To see your baby hurting and to have them resist everything you are tying to do to help them. To have them be in so much pain and obvious need rest and comfort but its like they dont recognize you … they are looking past you … not hearing the words of comfort you are offering … not accepting the love you are trying to give them … they just hurt and are trying to do it all on their own. 

And it made me realize something … How many times has the Lord come to me like that? In a song, in a sermon, in whispers, in shouting, through someone I meet, or a conversation I am having or a book I am reading …. How many times has He tried to comfort me, tried to show me mercy, show me grace and how many times have I resisted Him thinking my way is better. How many times have I turned away from His offering of hope to me? How many times have I not even been aware that He is with me or that He is trying to show me His love because Im so focused on me! So eyes locked straight ahead that I cant see or hear anything else! 

God is there and I look right past Him, I cant even see Him or hear Him or feel Him because all I see or hear or feel is the struggle. I want desperately to be comforted but I resist, I try to make it on my own, I try to find comfort in this world instead of in Him. 

It was so hard to watch Layla go through that yesterday and it made me realize how ard it must be for the Lord to watch us go through that. In Matthew 6: 25-26 “He says, Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more then food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

He is only good and even still we doubt and resist and frail around like we do not have a God who already payed the price for us proving His unfailing love for us by dying on the cross.  

 What if this year was differnt? What if everyday we woke up and worked to believe this truth. We rested in Him instead of resisting Him. We allowed Him to love and comfort us instead of trying to do it on our own. 

I am not one to get caught up in New Years resolutions. We dont really make a big deal about New Years, its just another day to me. But what if we strived to let Him in this year? To slow down and allow the Lord in our lives more? To get on our hands and knees and pray more intentionally this year? And it doesnt have to be this big resolution for the whole year … just a note by your bed, your mirror … to just remind you to strive to let Him in more today. Then again the next day and again the next week and the next month and maybe little by little it will become easier, we will do it a little better then the day before. It can be our daily resolution, a resolution seems too big, too overwhelming, too much pressure, but maybe this will be just enough to help get us out of the bed today and the next day. 

So heres to our daily resolutions. A year where our goal is to seek Him, and allow Him to comfort and heal and love us more. When He is in he front of our minds and hearts it can ONLY bring good. He is only good, our good good father.


Layla resting after such a long day. Lets rest in our Father this year. its takes hard work, commitment, but together we can do it. Let us not think of the year as a whole, thats too overwhelming for me, lets think of it as a day by day thing and ask God to help us through it, give us grace when we fail, and hope and strength to wake up the next day and do it all over again.Praying for you friend!

Exodus 14:14 – “The Lord will fight for us, we need only to be still.” 



One thought on “what if this year is different … 

  1. So sad for Layla and your whole family. Nothing hurts me more then when my kids are hurting and there is nothing I can do to bring comfort and peace. Praying for you Andrea.


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