Ask God to let you see yourself the way he sees you …
I heard this on a podcast today and it really hit me in the gut.
It’s been a busy hard few weeks that May has already brought me. And I’ve had to have a few reality checks.
Reality checks that have forced me to repeat and breathe in that I am recovering. I am still not well. I am recovering. Danny and a sweet sweet friend literally had to repeat that to me last night through tears and hugs. It’s not fun let me tell you. So I am trying to accept that and pray and try to move forward. And that’s hard.
My body is not what it once was nor will it be anytime soon.
I can’t go hard all week or all day and just go to bed then wake up for another day.
That’s not me right now.
I was just thinking a year and a half ago before this whole season started I was doing all these things and running the most I have ever ever ran. So much that I was putting in double digit mile weeks of running and I was loving it. I was moving on from being fixated on being skinny to one of being fit and healthy.
Then this season started and has continued and i weigh less then I did in high school yet my body is so different.
It’s not tight or fit anymore. And it’s another thing the Lord is refining me in and teaching me to let go of.
Its really hard to let that go. It’s hard to let go and accept that I’m not gonna be able to run right now, that I need to rest. I need to rest my mind and body … be in bed off and on throughout the day so that I can endure the evenings with the family and especially the weekends.
I love the weekends when the kids and Danny are home but it’s not enjoyable if I’m in bed all weekend because I’ve done too much throughout the week.
It’s been a journey just like everything else for us this year. And that’s ok, it just taken me this long and daily prayer to be able to say that. 🙂
I mean this year both the kids put on their Mother’s Day stuff from school that my favorite thing to do was sleep.
I cried last year this year I prayed … I prayed that maybe I would start embracing the new me.
So God … Help me see myself the way you see me.
I am recovering. It’s gonna be slow and hard and up and down but it’s gonna be worth it. But more then getting back to running miles or running errands or staying up late with my hubby I want to see myself as the Lord sees me. Because He makes all things good. He doesn’t make a mistake. He knit me exactly the way He intended. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13 Never will he leave me or forsake me. Hebrews 13:5
So rest … Rest I will.
Well I’m gonna try my hardest. I’m gonna rest and not dwell on what things used to be but on embracing what they are currently and breathing that in and moving in the direction of acceptance and not denial.
I am a child of God and He sees me with wonder and beauty.