There is no easy way or nice or subtle way to put it. There just isn’t.
I’m laying here in bed not wanting to move.
I feel a little better then earlier which I am so thankful for because the kids are home now.
I hate being in bed when there here but some days I can’t help it.
At least my eyes can be open now.
At least I’m not curled up in a ball praying for relief.
Sunday I was able to take the kids to church. Just me and the kids. Danny had to stay home and help his dad with something but I was having a good day and I was going to take advantage of it.
God graced me with a good outfit day. I struggle with putting outfits together and often stand there in front of my closet too overwhelmed to move or put something on.
But not Sunday … I had an outfit come to me and it was cute! I felt good and cute and was taking my cute babies to church.
And we stood there singing. Layla on my hip like she’s 2 and not getting ready to turn 8 in a few days and hunter stood next to me with his arm around me like he was 4 and not about to start middle school next year and as I stood there and we sang worship songs to our Savior I remember thinking… hold onto this moment Andrea.
Hold onto it tight!!! Real tight!!!
You see I knew I was gonna start another round of meds. And I knew it was gonna get rough. And I knew that that moment right there was gonna be what I held onto when things got rough this week.
That moment reminded me why I continue to fight and fight hard. For them. For my rock. And my Rock Rock. And for me.
And today when it hit. The intense pain and headache and just sucky suckyness of this illness, and the moment when Layla came in from outside and asked if I could play baseball with her and Hunter … the Lord brought me a whisper and her reminded me of that moment on Sunday.
He reminded me to not let it defeat me. He reminded me that even though it hurts like hell to keep going. To keep fighting. Because this … this Lyme … the chronic illness is not gonna defeat me so easily. The enemy isn’t gonna use it to defeat me or defeat me being a mom to these freaking amazingly amazing kids and wife to this husband that y’all I could not even dream up. He is just … just I don’t even have words.
There is a song I found a while ago and while I was laying here listening to music and it’s came on and i want to share it with you.
It just feels like an honest cry out to the Lord. It’s called “even when it hurts.” And it’s such a needed reminder to keep fighting to keep praising the Lord.
Keep remembering to keep going. To keep praising. He hears you and even when it hurts like hell, even when it makes no sense He’s working His goodness.
I was reminded today that even though Easter has passed we need to constantly re-remembering that we didn’t get to Easter Sunday without Good Friday, without Jesus dying on the cross.
Chronic illness sucks
But He is good. He is mighty. He is worth our fight and so our we.
Re-remember that today.